Happy valentine's day
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wa so tired.. Slept last nite once i reached home ~.~ V’s day spent wif mich was a pleasant day, I wouldn’t say great day coz to me great, would b to spend it wif the one I truly love (
a guy) LOL.. anyway.. ya.. Today went out wif her to buy gifts.. Today I spent a lot wor.. lol.. i bought 3 me to you bears.. not those normal small size.. 2 large ones and one xtra large one… we went to heeren to get the first one.. which is the one for
alan di.. den after tat.. went to taka basement, kalm’s there to buy the other two.
Total = 79+79+169 = 327 dollars..
LOL.. went all the way back to bukit batok to pass it to
di den also to
jie.. sorry to trouble my jie, messed up her schedule. =( I can still rmb her words lo.. “
dun tink its romantic lo, its not lo!, And u make me rush and messed up my schedule, make me late for my meeting.” And blah blah blah.. so bad Lol.. nvm la.. at least in the end, she still say thanks.. lol.. as for di, he is juz awkward all the way thru and went str8 off after collecting the gift.. juz hope he appreciates it ba.. I’m onli like giving to those special ppl tat’s in my heart.. But not for the mich one.. tat one is obligated to buy, coz paisei tat she has to acc me to run all over the place.. So yup, after tat, went back to town to catch “epic movie” haha.. was damn funny but short duration ba.. roughly an hour or so nia.. See lots of gay couples lo.. tmd.. they are like more than straight couples on the streets lo =.= so envy. LOL..
Wonder why I nv go out wif any dates? LOL.. not tat no one ask.. but more of.. juz dun feel like it ba.. no energy to date plus my sex drive for the day is off.. hehe.. so tat explains why ba…
Hmm.. sigh.. thinking… pondering.. I know tat I’m not a good friend… and nv will be a good friend to my friends.. bcoz its me ba.. I’m juz someone selfish and self-centered ba.. I am someone who dun really care about my frens’ problems but I expect them to care for mine.. hmm.. but I try la.. really try very hard to listen to them SOMETIMEs… LOL.. sigh.. juz count tat its ur misfortune tat u haf me as ur fren ba.. =(
Hmm.. Valentine’s day.. Someone special.. Ok la.. lets ignore the 2 impt ppl in my heart (which is E and S).. those who know me, shld know who they are ba.. actually.. I realized.. juz MAYBE.. I sub-consciously is in love ba.. I really dunno.. I’m someone who is always wanting things to go my way.. like if I love tat guy, even if he is my di or kor, I can dun care and juz wan him to b my bf the next min.. not fearing tat it will lose something impt or wadsoever la.. but there’s always tis person.. tat regardless how much I love the person, how frequent this person appears in my mind, how much I misses this person, how much I’m dying to see him, how much I’m hoping to talk to him.. I rather secretly love and protect him from somewhere far.. juz watching him from his back… hmm.. I nv expect anything out of him.. not a single thing.. when I think back, we used to talk and go out together.. even if its for a short while, he or me will make the effort to meet for a meal or something.. but things have changed so much. Now I dun even get to see him at all.. not including of coincidence, but of arranged meetings, its been more than 6 months ba.. or even more.. I dun even get to talk to him on the fone anymore.. last time at least he makes the effort to call me n stuff.. but now, not even a single time.. I know he’s grown up, and haf his own group of frenz and his own life. So I try to be very understanding. I used to make a fuss out of all these things tat makes me unhappy. But no longer.. not tat I haf given up on him, but more of, i respect his actions and stuff. Juz loving him and hoping tat he will turn to me at least, when he has troubles. But nah.. we dun even share anything anymore.. he doesn’t even talk abt his feelings to me anymore.. it makes me feel tat, he totally close himself up when interacting wif me.. its like talking to a sealed box.. to the surface of the box.. I no longer knows how he feels, how is he handling his life.. and so on.. i really wish our closeness can go back into the past.. =( I really really miss the times when we just sit down and talk.. walk around and stuff.. i dun wan the memories to fade off.. remembering the time when we went lot1 den I send him home and stuff.. den he juz said something like, “dun treat me so nice, I scare I’ll fall for u” hais.. if only this still applies now.. I remember him saying tat on the train platform.. mayb now, he has already got used to me being nice to him and stuff.. so ya.. it may nv be the same again… haha.. stupid stupid me.. whole day thinking abt this.. spoiling my v day.. lol..
Sigh.. Wanting to hold your hands… mayb it may not work out.. but at least I’ll know tat I once held ur hands, and I’ll nv regret tat I did not try.. and I blive tat even after breakup can still maintain the brotherhood.. jus like Samson and me. Lol.. anyway.. actually should blame Samson for making me think about this the whole day.. ~.~ He told me about the past.. when I was still going out with him.. (he) is a threat, a love rival to him at tat time.. bcoz i couldn’t let go off (him). Even Samson baby can see it lo.. I didn’t really know.. but he told me tat, all I kip mentioning is abt (him) (him) and more (him) when I claim tat (he) is jux my di.. but Samson tinks tat, its obviously more than just kor and di relationship.. Tat started to make me ponder lo.. really.. I wasn’t really willing to take (him) as di de.. until (he) wanted me to be his kor... sigh.. also partly my fault la.. I didn’t grab the chance when I haf it, only realize when it was too late.. he was attached.. so ended becoming his kor for abt 2 yrs le.. it sounds long .. but to me.. its not ba.. we hasn’t done anything together in ages… bond is breaking instead of strengthening each day.. sigh.. if we grow closer to each other.. even just as brothers.. I wouldn’t really mind.. and regret… Mayb this is really wad I call wei da de ai ba.. willing to juz watch him from behind and love him secretly.. and still be kor when he nids me..
My most precious n beloving di.. (ACWL)
I went off at
Y11:16 AM
