Revenge

Hmm.. I got a new aim in life.. and tat is to... how should i phrase it.. to die for someone.. i know its foolish.. but there are people who still does tat in modern days.. i mean.. some ppl just doesnt grow up do they? immaturity is wad tat leads to their death and not bcox of the other party being a jerk or wadsoever.. i mean.. ppl tends to blame it on the guy who is a flirt by nature.. i mean.. if u're mature enuff to tink, u would have been mentally prepared to be dumped or played with by tat guy sooner or later.. so why are there still so many incompetents..

about flirt.. hmm.. people also just assume tat flirts are just jerks.. but do anyone really go and try to dig up wads inside? the reasons why people become flirts? i mean.. flirts themselves also have their own problems that they do not wish to share.. flirts tat are good looking.. they will of cox have the rights to choose who they wanna be with.. i mean its also part of human nature for someone to choose the most suitable person to be their partner. tat is why when a better someone comes into the picture, the current one get dumped.. those tat at least have a heart would feel guilty and sorry for the trash tat got dumped but they of cox wan the best for themselves.. i mean who's not? everyone in nature is selfish and self centered.. But there are really those jerks tat dun even feel a thing after dumping the trash.. And finally there are those jerks who are fucking ugly themselves.. and i dunno why they are capable to be flirts to begin with.. they suck at looks and rotten in personality, but why do they get all the privilege?! all i can conclude is, life is just fucking god damn unfair la.. at times i mean... =x

ok.. gone out of point.. back to my main focus of tis post.. i wan to try something new.. and tat is to make someone in my life die for me.. =) nv get to get the taste of how tat feels.. so one of my short term aim in life is to make someone suicide cox of me =p So looking forward to see who's tat victim of mine..

Johan dear

hahahaha... been chatting quite alot lately with johan!!! LOL.. =p

misses his laughters... =x

hm.. miss miss u la!!!

also nothing to blog about him.. keke...

raining weekends

Been raining since friday.. My mood is just the same as the rain for these few days.. raining non stop.. hm.. nothing is in my mind..

But i'm really touched by one thing on saturday.. and i really have to thank my sis for it.. mayb she does not really know.. but she really cheered me up..

the first thing she reached home, she knock on my door, and pass me a topman's plastic bag.. at first i tot its just a tee as usual.. since she always buy tops for me.. but to my surprise.. its a wallet.. i'm really so happy at tat moment standing at my door.. i was about to cry..

at that very moment.. i really love my sister... i mean i always hate her interferring with almost everything in my life.. but for tis moment i really appreciate her.. even though its just a cheapskate wallet but it means alot to me... i mean after losing my gucci wallet till now, i've been using a crap wallet from project shop.. and its like rotten wif sticky surface due to the stickers..

no one.. so far.. no one really bought for me anything tat i really wan.. especially now tat i'm in worst state.. no one really done anything tat cheer me up.. and i was expecting it to be from frenx or wadever. but it ended up to be my sis being the more who done the most to cheer me up..

thank you sis.. i love you =)

Endless Tears

Yesterday, first time i cried from harbour front to sembawang in the train... everyone's looking... even got aunties asking whether i wan tissue or not.. as i walk from the station to my house, i really start losing control of my body... so i let it go and drop right down on the floor and burst out crying... after awhile i went back home.. lock myself in my room.. drinking and crying and smoking.. look so terrible when i look at myself in the mirror..

Lied on my bed staring at the clock... unaware of the tears tat flows, cox i'm really numb.. and its the first time i'm able to stare and see the clock ticks from 11~2am..

Now i'm just totally gone... no strength or motivation to move on... i cant actually tink and feel anymore.. where are you.. when i nid u to hold me .. make me see wads real emotions...

sorry to my fyp team and frenx... i dun haf the driving force to do anything anymore..

breakdown

Just that short moment with you...

I know u're the key...

To unlock the sealed heart..

Filled with so much agony...

I do not wish to be a burden to you...

Not wanting you to carry the pain i got onto myself

So i choose to walk away..

I bear this pain on my own..

But thanks to your help...

I'm able to let go of everything once again...

My heart wants you to hold me back...

But my mind chooses to let you go...

You will not be happy by my side...

But these are just my assumptions...

Why i do not get to hear your views...

I assumes only because i wish you could tell me you feel differently...

But all i get from you is silence and cold shoulders...

Regardless what this ending will lead me to...

I know, i started to fall...

For you...

And hereby officially declare the start of my depression...

Drowning

i'm drunk.. been drinking alone in my room days after days... something like shixuan in the chn8 drama, switched, at 9pm.. all i do is rot... no motivation... dunno wads going on around my surrounding anymore...

call me emo call me sensitive.. i'm just not strong... i cant fight tis alone! i no longer haf that ability to fight my own battles far from u... and i wish to fight tis battle.. no.. OUR battle together.. i promise not to leave without a word anymore...

i'll stand up once again to face the challenges ahead!!! ArrrrRrrGGGGggGgHHhHHh~

k gtg prepare le... if not will be late for appointment wif someone... =x

Sleepless

Been having sleepless nights...
Loss of appetite...
Having headaches...
Loss of focus in everything...

symptoms of depression...

pls save me... pls help me!!!! AAARRRRGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!

now tat i'm feeling down, the sensation of loneliness is stronger.. i fear tis feeling.. becoming more and more vulnerable... i wan to b strong.. but i dun wanna do tis on my own anymore.. i wan someone to share my emotions with.. i no longer wish to handle my feelings inside myself. someone to b by my side for me to let go my emotions. *and no secret between us...*

i only told someone abt tat.. haha... nvm..

Breakdown~

been thinking lately.. alot alot... why do i always hide my emotions deep inside... it has already been a habit for yrs... den it always comes a time when everything just burst out of nowhere.. then is goes into collecting the emotions again... moving in a cycle.. i really wish to stop tis cycle.. sigh...

really getting so emo lately la... but i dun really let ppl see tat side of me much... but i tink ppl around me shld be able to notice tat i've been damn bloody noisy lately... hm.. ppl who know me would know tat, its my way to divert my frustration... but most ppl just tend to think tat i'm just plain noisy and irritating la..

why i feel so frustrated? i do not even know the answer myself... sigh... just simply put it.. i'm lost... like worse than ever kind of lost... last time i always tink if i haf a partner to listen to me.. i will feel better... but now.. i dun even know wad i wan.. do i nid love? do i nid frenx? argh..

i'm afraid tat i might get into another depression again... my life also been getting more and more dull.. since i dun really hangout much anymore.. prioritising my studies as most impt thing now... only time i'll get to enjoy is when i pon sch wif my frenx.. but since i'm focusing on studies, the chances of me ponning is low.. unlike our absent queen, doris koh! LOL.. i envy her sia, can pon like half the semester and get promoted to next sem surprisingly la.. i mean its like, in a week, u cant possibly see her having full attendance for just even a week! haha.. back to my point... i mean besides ponning, i only hangout wif nich kor nowadays.. but den again, he only goes out like for not more than 6hrs de la.. so its kinda boring.. we go out wif an aim, and go straight home after accomplishing our goal.. all tks to his heavy color light fren la.. always wanna go back early to call his dear dear ~.~

anyway.. really going berserk soon... i nid enlightenment!!! but obviously not from jesus!!! no offence.. =x wad i wan now... is.... i dunno la!!!! aaarrrggggghhhhh~!!!!

nyango, nomeds... maybe one of u can be my saviour... and speaking of the devil... LOL.. he got online just rite after i type his name! omg.. is tis a sign?!!!! i tink i'm just tinking too much.. bye!!!

Foul Mood

hmm.. dunno why... but its been 2 weeks.. wif tis stupid pms in me... sigh~ but at least i dun vent my pms to anyone la.. onli express it in my blog.. so used to putting up a smile in front others.. i dun even know wads real emotions are anymore... yawn..

darn fishing bad mood lo... something is just so bothering me.. so troubled by something.. i dun even know wad it is lo.. like something nid to be done.. but i dun even wad la.. pek chek.. ~.~ even my imaginary buddies cant help... =.= where are u when i need u la!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!

trapped btw tears and frustration... so lost... i tink i nid a break from all my stress... blive it.. i'm having stress in life now.. in studies and everything else.. tired of proving myself to ppl le.. yawn~

labre ille nesh het...
waiting for ur embrace..

Transformer

Just watch it on wednesday with my kor since there is no fyp on that day. Haha.. movie was quite olrite la.. action comedy... hehee... nothing much... lets do a LL aka Love List.. hahah ppl i favour in my class!!!

E44E:
1:Doris
2:HengKiat
3:Jasmin
4:Si Hui
5:Last place malini VS carmeni!!!! LOL!!! XD

disclaimer: its just my opionion, its not based on any factual evidence. And the ranking is still not fixed yet, so there is still a chance to fight for a higher rank for those who are still not in the rank, and those can fight into the top 5 if u're name does not appear here.. =)

Loves E44E~

New Life New Style

Cut new hair, Change new msn, Change email. By end of this year, i'll be changing my number, my address and everything la.. quite happy with it.. cleaning those pests in my msn... i just wan useful people in my msn.. so if u dun bother to add mi den is your problem.. but my msn contacts have to be active, if not i will still delete la.. so yup.. new life. those pesky things can b removed from my life... =)

Shireen's bday

siansation

i'm bored.. and i dun wish to blog.. cox the log seems to rot. LOL.. trying to rhyme.. ANYWAY!! i'm onli blogging cox EVAGELINE CHAN is bored and has nothing to read in my blog!!! =.="

anyway.. i also dunno wad to blog about.. hais.. my professional profilling is dead la.. dun even have anyone to interview.. die die!!! as for CE points i'm rushing tis sem to complete. I just aim to complete everything to just graduate and get into ns la.. aiya.. but at least i'm studying la.. unlike alot of ppl from my sch who all became useless to the society... not pointing fingers =x but if u wish, a good example is my bestest best fren TAN KEE NEE.. she is like totally useless like to da core can? she fail and retake waste money.. useless bf useless job.. nvm.. wadever it is.. i dun care..

wads my life is about? just me all about me.. do i care abt wad u feel? NO! i dun fucking give a damn k?! for example if u are such "goody goody" faithful wadever fuck best fren of mine, and think i'm gonna be all nice in return, nah... not really.. i dun really have to fucking feel obligated to care ya? who are u? just a human like me.. so why shld u haf special treatment? u''re just the same as everybody else around me tat i make use of. So wad if i make use of u more than like god knows when, am i suppose to like crown u as the "most useful toy" ?!

dun worry not pointing fingers and toes anymore, since tis is targetted at all audiences reading this shit. Haha.. life rawks when everyone is there for u to make use, for u to toy around with. All i have to care about is myself, worry about myself and ALL about me =)

Family = Home for me to stay and financial support till and grow up and earn enough and dump them into their grave.
Relatives = Just extra incomes for me, when they stop giving me "bonuses" i stop visiting and hope i dun have to see those fucking faces again.
Friends = simple... Tools lo.. wad else? nothing much i can get from those things anyway..

Anyway... lets blog about something interesting since i'm tired of talking about those passerbys in my secondary sch life and so on...

Latest update on top rated classmate i hate! I'm not gonna mention the name yet. but today, someone just make it to the top of my hate list beating the rest.. (btw i'm referring to my current class E44E) i'm gonna announce the top 5 list one week b4 semester ends. haha.. so you guys just gotta wait den =)

But to compensate for making u ppl anxious to find out, i will re announce the top 5 hate list for my previous 4 semesters!!!!

Lets start from Year 1 Sem 1!
PL0105
1:Haissac Amin
2: Daniel
3:Dilwyn
4: errr.. the rest rawks, except some are weird la

PN0205
1:Haissac Amin (he maintain his great performance and achieve top for 2 consecutive sem!)
2:Hidayah
3:Willie
4:Alvin
5:Yi Zhuang

E25M
1:Sherman
2:Wulin
3:Ruth
4:Khai
5:the rest are ok la.. since so many MIC..

E35P
1:Ivan
2:Duan Hua
3:KY
4: aiya the rest hor dun rmb la...
5:JEANNIE!! LOL.. jkjk =p

E44E
*under construction*
*hint: current taking first position starts wif a letter "A"

disclaimer: the above Hate List is just merely based on my impression of u in class.. so no offence eh?

NaMe:
NiCkS:Lucire, Kai
Sch: RePubLic PoLy (graduated =p)
HoROsCopE/ZodiAc: SaggitAriuS/DraGon
aGE: NinEteEn
D.O.B: 12 DeCeMbEr 1988
CouNtrY:
SinGaPorean ChineSe
HoBbiEs: Sleeping
MsN/Frenster: lucire88@hotmail.com

~A puppy!
~A digicam
~New Mazda RX!!!!
~Deep Red PSP
~ NS permitted phone!!!
~New pair of shoes
~And lots of $$$ XD
~Get a new ring~

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